bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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