We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
