So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
