yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
