Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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