Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How's work?
Spinning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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