That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize