I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
