After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
