Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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