guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
