Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So many bounce houses so little time
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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