I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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