An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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