My nipple is on Facebook.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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