That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize