I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
