We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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