i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
