I feel great
I just peed on a car
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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