At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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