haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
