Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
