i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
