Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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