He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
