how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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