tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
