Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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