so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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