what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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