I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
