dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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