I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
