I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
