I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
