i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
