i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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