Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
