Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There are leaves in my underwear?
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