Pappa wants mamma naked
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
