Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
