the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
