I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
