Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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