Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
