i permit you to call me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
