I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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