How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
