In America we eat man semen.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize