Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
