DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
