I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
