why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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