the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
