"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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