my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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