Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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