Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can I color on your dick again?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
