I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
