So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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