At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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