I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
