cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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