fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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