someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
