while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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