My nipple is on Facebook.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize