Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
