dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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