I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
