i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
