I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
