how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didn't notice because vodka
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
