dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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