It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
