Ketchup is God's man juice
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
