I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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