i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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