We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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