So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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